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When was the last time you chose your mentor?
Most of us have been “assigned” teachers, coaches, and managers. But when we step into the world of personal growth or self-development, we finally have the power to choose who mentors us. That shift in responsibility can be exciting, but also daunting.
More people are seeking out coaches and mentors to guide them toward achieving personal and professional goals. Whether you're looking for someone to help in your career, personal development, or even life direction, choosing the right mentor is a crucial investment.
But with so many options out there, how do you know who the right mentor is for you?
Let’s break it down together!
The Power of Choosing a Mentor
I remember the first time someone mentioned having a life coach. I was in my twenties and honestly... I laughed. Why would anyone pay someone to hold them accountable for their own dreams? Shouldn’t we be able to do that on our own?
But that thought stuck with me. I kept thinking, What if I had someone unbiased, fully invested in my growth, helping me reach my maximum potential? The idea of having a chosen mentor—a person whose J.O.B. was to guide and elevate me—began to make sense.
Eventually, I took the plunge. I invested in coaching and joined mastermind groups, and let me tell you, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. But not all experiences were smooth sailing. Over time, I discovered what works (and what doesn’t) when choosing a mentor. I’ve made mistakes, learned from them, and now I want to help you avoid the common pitfalls we tend to stumble into.
Top 3 Things to Look for in a Mentor or Coach
Here are the top three things that have made the biggest difference in finding mentors/programs:
Do They Align with (& have achieved) What You Want?
Whether it’s in their personal or professional life, they should embody the path you aspire to follow. Don’t just be swayed by marketing; instead, dig deeper into their track record.
Have they truly walked the walk? Look for tangible evidence of their success across their platforms and life—this is the best indication that they can lead you on the same path.
Do They Have a Clear System for Success?
A great mentor should not only have success but be able to clearly articulate how they achieved it.
Do they have a framework, system, or strategy they can walk you through? This step-by-step guidance is essential for helping you move from where you are (Point A) to where you want to go (Point B). Without this, you risk getting vague advice that won’t push you forward.
Example: It’s like asking someone how they landed the promotion and they just say “lots of hard work.” While, sure, it probably did take “lots of hard work,” that doesn’t actually provide guidance to the steps you could also be using as a guide to land your next promotion too.
Is There a Natural Connection?
The best mentoring relationships are built on mutual energy. When you talk to a potential coach or mentor, does the conversation flow naturally? Do you feel energized or excited after your call? A positive exchange of energy is a key indicator that the relationship will be fruitful and empowering.
The right connection creates space for open communication and real transformation. If the energy feels forced or strained, it’s worth reconsidering. (aka: “don’t do it!”)
3 Common Pitfalls to Avoid
While selecting a coach or mentor can be transformative, it’s important to watch out for these common pitfalls:
Beware of Flashy Marketing
I’ve been there—swayed by a beautiful website or a glowing social media presence, only to realize that the substance wasn’t there.
Look beyond the surface to understand if they can deliver the results you need. Ask them tough questions: What challenges did they face? How did they overcome them? Make sure they can explain their journey in a way that resonates with your own.
Avoid Programs That Are Too Rigid
Every personal journey is unique, and a one-size-fits-all coaching program may not meet your specific needs. Avoid mentors who are too focused on pushing their framework, without considering your unique situation or pace of growth.
I recently had a peer describe a prior mentorship program they had invested in sharing that “I once worked with a coach who had an incredibly structured program that left no room for flexibility. I felt like I was constantly trying to fit into their mold, rather than having the program fit me. Waste of time. Waste of money.”
Unfortunately, this is an all-too common experience and one of the reasons the personal-development space gets a bad rep. (listen to this podcast episode for ways to weed this pitfall out at the beginning! Podcast: Unjuggle the Struggle)
Just know, there are some incredible leaders out there and a great coach will adjust their guidance to meet you where you are.
Mentors Who Are Too Busy
After the excitement of signing up, the last thing you want is to feel like an afterthought.
A great mentor will make you a priority. Ensure they have the capacity to give you the attention and support you need—whether it’s through scheduled check-ins or structured communication throughout your journey. Make sure to ask up front about their client load and how much one-on-one attention you can expect.
The 5 Things the Best Mentors Should Do for You
When you choose the right mentor, you’ll find that the BEST leaders/coaches/mentors always do these 5 things… passionately!
Empower You – They help you see your existing strengths and introduce you to new skills and ideas that inspire real action and progress.
Tough Love – They give you honest, constructive feedback that pushes you to grow. They are always cheering you on, but it’s the critical conversations that really push growth!
Create Movement – Mentors should drive us forward, helping us break through old habits and mindsets to reach our goals. This is where the magic of “getting unstuck” happens and you transform from your current reality to where you want to be.
Accountability – They’ll hold you accountable to the goals you’ve set. They walk the walk, and expect the same from you.
Ask Thought-Provoking Questions – The best coaches don’t just give answers. They ask the right questions that spark our curiosity and creativity, leading to deeper solutions.
"Questions → generate curiosity → which leads to creative solution-ing for your life and an elevated way of living far beyond just the point a to point b journey"
Making the Right Choice
Choosing the right mentor or coach can be one of the most impactful decisions you make on your journey to personal and professional growth. I know firsthand how empowering the right mentor can be—and how frustrating it is to choose the wrong one.
As you explore your options, remember to align your selection with your goals, be wary of common pitfalls, and ensure that your mentor empowers you, holds you accountable, and moves you forward.
If you're still unsure where to start, let’s connect! I’m passionate about creating authentic spaces where we can navigate life’s challenges and transform our lives through impactful perspective shifts, aligned action, and reconnection back to our passions and greater purpose. We got this!
**BONUS LINK: Feeling like you don’t have enough time to get to #allthethings in a day? Maybe it's time for some Time Freedom Hacks! Download your free copy here of my must-have Top 10 Time Tips
**Interested in what coaching could do for you? Complete this inquiry form and I’ll be in touch!
